Happy Birthday!

When I was a kid, there was an exercise in which we had to go to the blackboard and write down answers to questions.

She asked us to write down a holiday. I wrote down April 1. My birthday. "Laurie. Birthdays are not a holiday," she said with laughter in her voice. My little girl eyes turned sad. It wasn't, I questioned.

I don't know where I got this idea of my birthday being a special day. I definitely didn't have them growing up. In fact, I remember birthdays filled with tears.

But there was a period of time in my twenties when my phone message box filled with friends' well wishes, a time when birthdays consisted of someone taking me out for breakfast, another for lunch and someone else for dinner. A circle of friends who took you out, in turn you took them out on their day.

In high school, I'd run to my locker in the morning and find the beat-up beige rectangle adorned with electric-colored streamers, fat balloons and posters scrawled in curl writing imparting funny and sweet messages. You were supposed to take the poster around with you all day and have others sign it--your bff's would have signed first. I carried the poster proudly.

There was this one guy who pursued me. For years. Every birthday he would try to woo me with cards or gifts or messages on my birthday--even though we never went out. Even today--20 years after he knew me--he will call a friend of mine who's phone he has and ask her what my address is so he can send me a b-day card or tell her to send me well wishes. One year, he sent me over the course of days, 32 birthday cards--each one deliciously different and with a different theme/message/different nickname to commemorate my 32nd birthday.

Then of course, there were the string of disappointing birthdays when the person in my life made me feel the polar opposite of special. In fact, invisible and like a bitch for asking for fanfare.

I'm taking the day off today. I have almost consistently nearly 10 years now. It makes me feed good to take the day off. I have no expectations for today. I am guessing that even my family will forget it. No one has asked to go out or asked me my plans.

Maybe my first grade teacher was right. My birthday should be taken off the blackboard.

@L'uragana