B is a nice kid. A good kid. He's my kid's best friend. B.'s the smart one. We've been told, uh em, known that since he was in preschool at our school. Now my son, J., didn't go to preschool here -- he came from a school now closed in Kindergarten.
But somewhere between preschool and K, B has been stamped, packaged and labeled The Smart One. Even the kids would tell you back in First Grade that B is the smartest in class. His female counterpart, C. We ALL know how smart they are. Because the legend's begun . . .
They are entering fourth grade now. The school hosts these "award" ceremonies in which each child is regaled with a certificate on what the teacher deems their accomplishments. B and C walked up there to receive certificates that deemed these children were accomplished in everything. Every subject. Everything.
Appropriate "ohhhh's" and "ahhhh's" waved through the parents.
Except my son received equally good grades (mostly A's, rest B's) and in fact, he scored higher than B. on their recent standardized test scores. B.'s mom took the week off work to prep her son while my son stated he wanted no assistance. So between J and I we decided that the test would be an organic reflection on his knowledge and test-taking capabilities.
And he scored higher than B. The smartest boy in the class.
Am I bitter? Slightly.Bitter because my son isn't getting the recognition he deserves. Bitter because it's a microcosm of life and it's frail, unbalanced findings. Of people who label others and do not deviate from that perception even when the child cries, "the emperor is naked." I assume that as teachers talk at lunch, at break they share their experiences, their thoughts, their assessments of students as they pass along grades on paper.
As if their perceptions are real. Solid. Undeniable.
I had to switch gears from angry bristling to one of parent telling my child how the world(unfortunately at time) works and how he has to know his accomplishments matter. How he must acknowledge himself because so many times the world and its flawed inhabitants do not. To instill in him a sense that it doesn't matter what they think; it matters what he knows.
Sometimes I think God made sure I had a child so I could be subjected to all the lessons all over again that I've found so difficult to navigate the first time. Truly.
©L'uragana
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8 comments:
I hate the schools award ceremonies. They are nothing more than a tool used to force conformity on children. I had a bumper sticker on my back window that said "Proud parent of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters." The only reason it's not there now is my wife took it off. I told you she's my opposite. But I am slowley turing her from the dark side.
And for that lady who took a week off work to study with her child. It's like that story you told of the time you and J went to dinner and had to switch tables because some pompous couple wanted to sit next to their donation plaque. Same thing. She wanted to show off her little plaque to the school.
I guess what I am trying to say is everyone should determine their own goals and not cheat themselves by letting other dictate their goals to them.
Holy standardised testing, I think the same thing too. The gods themselves are putting me through these trials for not learning my lesson the first time.
My son is a pretty smart boy but never got awards for anything at primary school. Last year after the standardised testing he came in the top 5% of the state, but still no recognition from school. It broke my heart because I saw all these other kids who I knew had scored lower than him on the tests getting awards galore. Explaining it is very hard. How does one explain to a child that if his mother had sucked up to the school board a little more (like the other mothers) he would have received any award his heart desired?
The good news is that it does seem to come right in High School. Nick is on the Honour Roll for Maths and Science and consistently attains high grades.The parents have less to do with this school. It is a totally different demographic (much less upwardly mobile.) It seems to be a fairer system. Long may it continue.
But I know how frustrating it is to see your little one overlooked for something he truly deserves. Give him a hug from me!
i feel for your son.. no one likes his or her hard work to go unnoticed... and for you that last line is extremely honest and telling.. maybe that would be a good thing to share with your son..
Sometimes I wonder if I was never blessed with a child because things like this would crush me - probably more than him.
We know how intelligent he is. He knows he scored better than B. ...and he's getting an early introduction to the politics of society - and our culture. I think it will be your having acknowledged his accomplishments - as well as the "rigged" nature of those types of awards - that will have made the difference in his perspective moving forward. It breaks my heart that these kids are having to come to these realizations so young.
He's unbelievably fortunate to have a mom who gets it. ...and who is able to convey to him how amazing he is in ways "they" may never know, but in ways that are even more valuable than anything those silly awards ever celebrate.
"Bitter because my son isn't getting the recognition he deserves."
I would be bitter too. You have every right to feel that way.
Jay....I am going to google "Proud parent of a child who has resisted his teachers attempts to break his spirit and bend him to the will of his corporate masters."
I'm getting one right away. And keep working on your wife, the Aries...she will come around...to the dark side...I'm sure of it. I agree...and I need to remind both my son and myself that we determine who we are, what we're worth. As always, profound.
Sel, I have hugged him on your behalf..and he says thanks. It's not so much the tests that irritate me but the audacity of these "teachers" determining who's smart, who's popular, who's the most compassionate (there were awards given out for those)....how dare they. I suggest they be open...not passing along stories of these children down the line like handing out a rap sheet.
Paisley, thanks. I will....I really will....
Steph, believe me, I don't have the calm constitution for raising a child. I stumble, make huge mistakes, take multiple steps forth..but sometimes I make headway. I truly believe I was given this child to teach me. I really, really do. What I have learned as a parent defies explanation...
I got that from George Carlin. You might have to go to one of those websites that allow you to make your own bumper stickers. I couldn't find one already made.
And I think it was great that your son wanted to study on his own. That's real character. A kid like that will never have a need for someone elses awards.
"The only competition worthy of a wise man is with himself." ~Washington Allston~
BULL! Jay...I BELIEVE there is one that exists...
DAMMIT
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